Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Worn out

I won't lie - I'm feeling kinda out of it at the moment.

This has been SUCH a busy week at work for me. On top of that, I'm just feeling pretty sore, achy and tired. And then to add a cherry to the top, I've had some pretty bad heartburn and back pain.

And it's frustrating, because it's kinda hard to explain all that to Chad. I've just been kind of whiny and needy lately... and I don't think he gets it. I don't think it's a Chad problem, I think it's more a problem with men in general. Because while they can see you have a big belly, they can't possibly understand what your body (and emotions) are going through.

I'm waking up in the morning not feeling particularly rested... because, well... I don't really sleep that well any more. I am hard-pressed to find a comfortable position so I spend a lot of the evening tossing and turning. I've had a couple pretty intense leg cramps overnight that have literally woke me up screaming... which is always a fun way to wake up in the morning for both me and Chad (who has freaked out every time convinced I'm going into labor.) Some of these cramps were so intense that my leg muscle would be sore for days afterward.

I head in to work, where I'm either sitting at my desk working all day (which hurts my tailbone) or I'm running around with a reporter all day on my feet (which hurts my feet, lower back and THEN my tailbone.) I rush home and try to fix a healthy, wholesome home-cooked meal and then clean up the kitchen so I can head upstairs and spend 30-45 minutes on the elliptical in hopes it will decrease the heartburn and get me tired enough to fall asleep.

But more than anything, I'm just kinda emotionally drained. As excited as I am to meet this little boy, there is still so much "unknown." The thought that within a few short weeks I could be going into labor any time is scary. And bringing a new baby into our home, while being the greatest blessing ever, is just going to completely change our lives in every way possible. So that's pretty scary too. As much as I'm ready for him to be here on the outside - I also am scared that I won't have him in me for protection from this crazy world.

And then, of course, I have pregnancy hormones still doing a number on me. So I just feel like I'm walking (or limping) around in a haze while still trying to stay with-it enough that my work quality doesn't slip. So much of what I do is reactive and involves quick thinking and fast responses and coordination. I don't really have time to say "oh, this can wait." It's all go-go-go, which is what I usually love about what I do. It's just a little more difficult to do in this stage.

I guess I'm just tired. I'm thankful that we're heading to Lake Norman this weekend with Mike, Mol and baby James for another mini-vacay (our last of the summer). I'm hoping some time away from the grind will help lift my spirits.

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