A letter to my son

Hello sweet boy,

Your mama has been a bit overwhelmed thinking about you these past few days. Almost two weeks ago I felt you move for the first time, and have been lucky enough to feel you every day since! Time to time, you'll give me a good kick during the morning or in the afternoon. But the evening is definitely our time together. I'll lay quietly in bed, rest my hand on my stomach, and sure enough within minutes I'll start feeling your steady movements. It is my favorite time of the day.

Now, you need to keep growing because your daddy is not to happy about the fact that he can't feel you kick yet. He's so patient to leave his hand on my stomach for minutes at a time in hopes he'll catch a good one. He thinks he might have felt one or two, but is ready for you to make it crystal clear for him. But you are good about pushing your weight against me so that your dad can feel where you are in my stomach. Last night we were sure we felt the curve of your little back pushed against me for a good couple seconds before you settled in. It's hard to believe in just a few short months, my hand will be resting on your actual back as you snuggle into my chest for the first time.

Do you know how much I love you, son? I've wanted a baby for some time, but it's a different feeling to want you - and not just any baby. I feel so bonded and close to the little being that you are already. Your mama had a hard time getting pregnant, and I was so scared for awhile that I would lose you. I became even more fearful after we lost your little twin brother or sister so early on. But, J, you are my fighter. I think you knew that you had to hold on for me and your dad. You stuck with me, and I'm so grateful for that.

I keep picturing what it will be like when I look at you for the first time. I try to imagine out of the millions of words in the dictionary, what words will form when I talk to you for the first time.

But I hope I remember to thank you.

I love you,
your mama